You're still wearing shorts and sitting under your air conditioner but in fashion land its now FALL 98. Fat fashion magazines full of skinny babes are all over the newsstand. Each magazine lists this season's must haves and apparently we all need to get down and buy flats. Look at these things. These flats aren't just "sans a heel" they are FLAT! They're so flat they're more like flaps. When I say flats, I don't mean, loafers, oxfords, or lug soled saddle shoes. I mean these wimpy, thin soled, FLAT shoes. The Wall Street Journal says this is because "footwear has undergone a major downsizing." They apparently look good with this season's other must have: the long skirt. I saw a handy fall guide of "what shoes to wear with what skirts". The flat went with everything, but the girls in accounting could have told you that. Flats do offer a certain wearability. If you have a foot, you can wear a flat. You wore flat shoes in grade school. You may have worn pointy toe flats in the 80's. Alas, it is the 90's and the only folks left wearing flats are ballerinas, really tall ladies, and the gals in accounting who get Easy Spirits at Strawbridge's in colors that match their stirrup pants. My pal Lupe loves loafers "because I'm clumsy and I can't walk in heels". A truly flat flat offers little or no arch support and can be uncomfortable to folks who use their legs for locomotion or have bad arches. As the esteemed Kitty 62 says "Flats are so uncomfortable -- I hate feeling the street through my shoes." If you dated a podiatrist, he probably wouldn't like for you to wear flats (anyone knows he'd rather see you wearing stilettos and ateddy, making him scrambled eggs). Flats are usually slip ons. Easy to put on and take off. This is a plus for jet set travelers and invalids who can't bend over.A lady knows that good shoes aren't just comfortable, they can be flattering, or sexy.

Flats aren't sexy. A pair of flats with some slacks works great for those gals in accounting, and other professional types. Professional, tidy, comfy. Flats worn with pants make your legs look great . Unless you're chunky and have the misfortune of wearing flats with thin white stretch pants, then you look like a soft boiled egg. If you have ankles you can wear flats with any skirts that are 3/4 length or longer. Bergdorf calls that look "Urban Bohemian".

If you are really skinny or have SUPER legs then you have more flexibility with flats. This summer fashion spreads showed them with knickers or clam diggers. I didn't think they looked so hot, they made your feet look real big. Cute white sneaks or sandals woulda been better.

One summer during my retail days I was wearing white Kenneth Cole wingtips with a long skirt and the visiting district manager told me my feet looked "like canoes" and I needed to go buy new shoes on my lunch break. Maybe I'm sensitive to things that make your feet look big.>Flats are this season's stilettos.

A couple gals will try it to be "fashionable" and it might work for them. They'll be worn to update one's look, not to be daring or for fun. Everyone else is going to keep doing and wearing what they have all along.Hell, no one's gonna try this look for fun. Stilettos and platforms are sexy, crazy-hi heeled sandals are fun.

Thigh hi lace up buckle boots, shiny bump toe oxfords, and Spice Girl moon boots are daring. Lupe will be wearing her loafers, Kitty will be wearing things that don't let her feel the ground, Glamourpuss Ginger will keep staggering in her strappy platform sandals and I'll keep wrapping rags around my bloody stumps. This season's flats are boring and unsexy unless you're a ballerina, or a tall gal.